Blog Posting #34, February 25, 2009

LEADING A CHILD TO SUCCESSFUL ADULTHOOD
CATEGORY: TEACHING

You’re sitting in church on a hot summer Sunday morning. There is no air-conditioning so the ushers open all the doors to get some air flowing through the sanctuary. Not knowing the confinement he was entering, a Sparrow flies into the building. Immediately, he knows he’s made an error and swoops, turns, swoops, turns, perches, swoops, turns, perches. From the rafters, he turns his head from side to side and looks down at all the people looking up at him. Oh, how he wishes he were back outside, safely in the wide-open.  But he can’t. He can’t remember how he got in so he doesn’t know how to get out. He’s not experienced enough to know that the bright openings are exits to where he wants to go. So he sits, swoops, turns, swoops, sits.

You would like to help him, wouldn’t you? But how? He can’t understand you if you told him where to go. He would not comprehend your gesture toward the door. In fact, if you’re by the door trying to lead him out, he would retreat because he doesn’t trust you. So what could you do?

The answer is—you need to become a Sparrow. Once a Sparrow, you would fly to where he is and sit next to him. You would listen to his frustration, fear, and hope. You would identify and, through that association, he would begin to trust that you do know the way and that you are trustworthy. Then, you could lead him to freedom.

Millions of adolescents are imprisoned in young bodies and young minds, desperately wanting to be adults. In a real way, they want to be free—free to make their own decisions, free to determine their own destinies. But they don’t have anyone to lead them there because parents, teachers, and coaches don’t seem to understand how they feel and why they do what they do. In other words, no one understands because no one really listens. Consequently they receive judgment, correction, and indifference.

To lead an adolescent into adulthood, one must become an adolescent. Oh, I’m not saying an adult should begin to act like a child; the classrooms, courts, and fields are filled with adults that attempt to gain student respect through child-like antics and false animation. In order for an adult to get a child to follow him to adulthood, like becoming a Sparrow, he must so do two things: Really listen and learn the child’s language, and Look at the world from a child’s perspective. The following information is not mine; it was given to me by Ronald Gallimore, co-author of our book, You Haven’t Taught Until They Have Learned.

DON’T THINK LIKE A CHILD BUT UNDERSTAND HOW A CHILD THINKS
The language of a child is very much different than that of an adult. Often, adolescents, when talking with adults, don’t come right out and say what they feel. Sometimes they are afraid to. Sometimes, they don’t feel like they will be heard. They struggle to find the words to express what they are thinking and feeling. So they come up with sentences that don’t seem to make sense, in the context. This is where an adult must stop talking and start listening to decode and make sense of what the child is struggling to say. Believe me, the child is saying something important. It might be incomplete, garbled, a rough draft of an important communication. It’s just in a form that adults can’t always immediately comprehend. But they can if they try. Once understood, it should be repeated to the child. “I think I hear you. Are you saying…..?” Once the code has been broken, an adult teacher, for example, can begin to adjust instruction accordingly.

LOOK AT THE WORLD FROM A CHILD’S PERSPECTIVE
I’m 6’11” but Ron is 5’9”. To a child, which of us does he consider a giant? You’re right—both. When Ron plays with his young granddaughter, he gets down on the floor with her. When he talks to her, he kneels to get on the same level. I’m sure you do the same. Why do you do it? Isn’t it amazing how the child begins to speak softly, opens up, and relaxes? Isn’t it amazing how a child begins to act like a child?

You make the application to coaching. You have probably already begun. We’re talking about the value and importance seeing the world from a youngster’s perspective. If you’re going to be a teacher, this is essential equipment. You can’t teach children if you can’t understand them. And you can’t understand them if you can’t see the world through their eyes.

For a teacher and coach (redundant, isn’t it?), getting on the same level as your players means observation. It’s amazing what you can learn just by watching them during lunch time, in the hallways, on the field, or on the court. As you do, you will begin to draw inferences and develop hypotheses. The more you learn the more opportunities and ways you find to teach.

CONCLUSION
So the next time you see a Sparrow, let it remind you of each child under your supervision. Don’t let their smack talking and apparent self-confidence fool you. Above all, they want to be adults and they can’t wait. Do the groundwork to lead them to successful adulthood. Become a child by learning what they are really trying to communicate. Look through the eyes of a shy one and perhaps you’ll see fear, lack of confidence, or a person that truly wants a close friend. Look through the eyes of a tough one and perhaps you’ll see a leader in the rough. Look through the eyes of the A student and perhaps you’ll find a person that is very uncomfortable with the expectations he or she is pressured to live up to. Then, in their language, tell them you understand. Like the Sparrow, they will begin to trust you and follow. Oh, what a wonderful thing that is!

RELATED BLOG POSTINGS:
BLOG POSTING #31, February 16, 2009, EACH PLAYER DESERVES TAILOR-MADE TREATMENT
Blog Posting #21, November 27, 2008, FAIRNESS