The Danger of Bench Boredom
Swen Nater

Knute Rockne of Notre Dame coaching fame liked to keep the reserves alert and ready by throwing scenarios at them from time to time. He demanded immediate answers and his players knew that. One day, Rockne walked up to his third-string quarterback and said, “Our ball, third quarter, second down, two yards to go for a first down, and we’re at mid-field. What do you do?”

“Me?” asked the third stringer. “I just slide down the bench and get a better look at the next play.”

The only time I sat on the bench was when I was at UCLA. It’s no fun, at the end of the game when the stat sheets are passed out, to see “DNP” (Did Not Play) after your name. It’s embarrassing when you’re in the showers with the rest of the team and you know they’re thinking, ‘Shouldn’t one take a shower only if one perspired?’

And, it’s no fun during the game either. That’s why bench warmers often get bored. And all educators know, when boredom sets in, bad things can happen because kids will find things to do. I’m not saying the following things were actually done by players, but they could have been.  

• At half time, one bench warmer hands the referee a greeting card in Braille.

• Bench warmers have fans go get them hot dogs, popcorn, and Cokes. 

• Bench warmer asks the opposing cheerleaders where they graze between games.

• Bench warmer tells a fan behind him, “This game is fixed.”

• Bench warmer tries to call a time out.

• Benchwarmer passes a note to the coach that reads, “Ready anytime you are.” 

• Bench warmer tells opposing star player, “Dude, you’re lucky I’m hurt or I’d kick your butt.”

• During a time out, two bench warmers stand right by the referee and say, “Our coach told us to double team the person that’s hurting us the most.”

So if you’re a coach, do like Knute Rockne did; keep those benchwarmers thinking so they won’t get bored. When? In basketball, for example, you have a little time at the end of a time out, when the players are walking back onto the floor. That’s when you can hit the bench warmers with a cognitive puzzle like, “Second half, two minutes to go in the game, we’ve got the ball, and we’re down by two facing a zone defense. What do you do?”

But don’t be surprised if a player says, “Let’s see. The game is almost over and I won’t need a shower. So I would text my girlfriend and tell her to meet me at Dominos in fifteen minutes.”